I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
