dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
