I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
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