Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
