I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize