im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
