Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
