I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize