hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
