dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
