yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I did not marry a roomba.
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