alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize