I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
