did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
