it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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