I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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