I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
