im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
