You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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