Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
