The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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