i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
