Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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