I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
