I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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