I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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