remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
