If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
