Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
