I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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