So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
