I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
