There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I stole a fireplace last night.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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