So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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