So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
