Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
