I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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