You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
