He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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