I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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