there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
