The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
