in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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