just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
