But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
