Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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