I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
