what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
