Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
