Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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