But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
