why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
