oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
