I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
