Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
