It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
