I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
