i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
