Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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