you traded sex for a burrito?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
