Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I can't turn off my feet"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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