hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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