You work out of a Hotel?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
