we made out on top of his cat.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
