I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
