Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
