So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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