question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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