I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Even my vagina gasped.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
