I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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