found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
