Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
