so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
