what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My pussy is not your playground.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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