If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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