I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
