also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
