is your mom at the bar?
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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